Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Letter from Dad on Relationships from the Family Court Bench

Dad never dated a single letter he wrote so I have to infer the date from the circumstances. This is on court stationery from the Pomona Superior Court and it is written to me and my first husband so it is likely sometime between 1977 and 1982. I also assume this must be January.

Dad was sitting as a family law commissioner at the time.

"Dear Vickie and Peter,

"Every day this year we have had summer weather - Hi 70 & 80s. One gets the feeling that all hell will soon break loose and start a new ice age. We are even having forest fires.

"Here at the job, it is more of the same. This individual imposes his will upon others. You will visit - you won't visit - you get the kids - he gets the kids. I suppose it's best I don't know much about what I do or I would resign.

"My secretary's daughter has started living with a pro ball player who is black and I have been counseling her this morning. I believe a parent is lucky when a child finds someone to love who loves back and is kind and caring. I see so many dreadful relationships and have to hear about men beating women as an everyday routine. Black seems an insignificant social problem.

"Please be kind to each other. With the cruel nature of man singular, in groups, in religion, in nationality, in ethnicity, we each are entitled to one partner who cares about us intimately with infinite patience and forgiveness. Love ought to be synonymous with freedom. My love you are free to be you whatever you may be in all the complications, moods and conflicts of personality that man is capable of and still be loved and cared about by me.

"Sometimes I am perplexed impatient and lose my temper and exhibit the obtuse, short sighted, selfish, jealous traits that man is capable of. Give me freedom to be human - know that I will forgive and expect your forgiveness.

"I am sure that is easier for a parent to a child than for boy to girl - less cruelty escapes between parent and child. I believe I have learned to love people in general and in particular including me.

"Things as they are giveth
Things as they are taketh away
Blessed by things as they are

"(with apologies to Job)

"So back to judging my fellow man.

"Love to you both be kind to one another for if not you who


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